I’ve fallen way behind, which I feel some need to explain to those twenty or so people—most of whom I know by sight—who continue to read this column. Mostly I’ve fallen behind because I’ve been working on something totally unrelated (not a writing project, unfortunately) that has taken up most of my time for the last four months. I’ve been behind on the column most of that time, but usually only by a week or two. I got stuck on this week partly because there were so many records to review, and partly because I couldn’t bring myself to either praise or criticize “Clouds”. I prefer to be honest, regardless of circumstances, but in this case, what would be the point? Rest in peace, Zach.
There’s one other reason I’ve fallen behind, and it’s the same reason that, when I have written reviews, they’ve tended to be short, sharp, and shitty: this has been a very sub-par year. Not an awful year, mind you (though with Macklemore and Ryan Lewis dominating the number one spot you would be forgiven for thinking that), but a year dominated by mediocrity. There have been some great records, of course: “I Love It”, “Blurred Lines”, “#Beautiful”, and a few others, and there are no more terrible singles this year than usual. Most of the great records have been hits, too (though someone needs to explain the Paramore problem to me; they made their best album ever, why can’t they get a hit?). But beyond that, mediocrity rules, and below average mediocrity at that. It’s dispiriting, and even without distractions it’s difficult to give the charts much focus.
Nonetheless, I’m going to do my best to catch up over the next couple of weeks. There are some interesting things in the pipeline, but those may just be blips. I don’t see the year getting any better, but I’ll stick in there as best I can.
(One minor procedural note: as you’ll see below, I’ve dropped the videos and have gone back to creating a Spotify playlist for each week. It takes less time and makes the page load faster. If a record isn’t on Spotify I may include the video, but if it’s an anomaly like “Clouds” or anything to do with a singing competition, I probably won’t. Chances are you won’t want to hear it, anyway.)
Zach Sobiech—“Clouds”
#26
Maroon 5—“Love Somebody”
#54
Maroon 5 and Ryan Tedder are a match made in hell if there ever was one, but this isn’t half as atrocious as I feared it would be. Tedder’s switch in sound from pounding drums to electronics (he seems to be limited to one new idea at a time) at least provides some variety, and Adam Levine’s vocals are less fingernails-on-a-blackboard in effect than usual (sounds a lot like Akon). Which doesn’t mean they’ve created anything you’d voluntarily listen to, just something that’s tolerable when it comes on the radio.
2 Chainz & Wiz Khalifa—“We Own It (Fast & Furious)”
#61
Not that fast, but furious enough, with a forward moving beat and a decent chorus from Khalifa. I’m starting to appreciate 2 Chainz’s single-minded style of rapping, as well. His rhymes are often surprising, and there’s a force to his flow that he employs more successfully with every record. He has nothing special to say, but at least he sounds fresh.
B.o.B. featuring 2 Chainz—“Headband”
#65
Without features (Bruno Mars, Haley Williams, Andre 3000, just about everybody else), B.o.B. is nothing—I hate to even imagine what his records would be like without them. Here he gets outclassed by 2 Chainz, who isn’t even trying that hard.
David Guetta featuring Ne-Yo & Akon—“Play Hard”
#76
I could have sworn this record had already been on the chart, but maybe that just means I’ve heard a hundred others like it, even if they didn’t feature a slumming Ne-Yo and an Akon who still hasn’t been forgiven. How long has Guetta been milking his last album? Two years? Five? A hundred? And now there’s a remix version. Contrary to the popular phrase, the beat does stop, but the cashing-in goes on forever.
Labrinth featuring Emeli Sande—“Beneath Your Beautiful”
#88
The concept of Lana Del Rey is hard enough to get my mind around, but Lana Del Rey imitators? Who are men? And who can sing? But then, what do you expect from a guy who calls himself Labrinth as if the misspelling meant something? Emeli Sande refuses to rise to the bait, thank God, thus preserving a small amount of her self-respect, but nothing could save this record.
Danielle Bradbery—“Heads Carolina, Tails California”
#91
T.I. featuring Lil Wayne—“Wit Me”
#92
Lil Wayne sounds not just alive, but awake, though he doesn’t have anything new to say. T.I. sounds more than awake, hyper, in fact, but says even less. The beat, especially the chorus, is a drag on both. Where’s 2 Chainz when you need him?
Brett Eldredge—“Don’t Ya”
#95
Eric Church’s influence seems to be spreading. First there was Kip Moore, and now Eldredge borrows Church’s low-key approach with material closer to mainstream country. “Don’t Ya” rocks plenty, but it never overwhelms, and there’s a soulful quality to Eldredge’s vocals. He even dares an a cappella finish. The song is only slightly above average, but the sound makes up for a lot of its flaws.
A$AP Ferg—“Work”
#100
The advantage of a stretched out, staccato flow like this is you don’t have to come up with many words. The disadvantage is you have to make every word count. Only near the end, when he talks about his Jewish lawyer, does Ferg connect. The rest sounds lazy. And if the A$AP crew is going to continue with their regional smorgasbord, they need to make it look less like outright theft.