Mark Ronson featuring Bruno Mars—“Uptown Funk”
#65
The late-seventies James Brown riffs are welcome, and Mars sings his heart out (I bet he kills this live), but the music is Ronson’s usual stiff, ersatz soul-funk, and I find it impossible to get as excited about this as some people seem to be. The best part is the breakdown, where Mars takes the track over, but even at his best he’ll never sound as propulsive or intense as Brown. If people were saying this was as good as above-average Kool and the Gang I might nod in bemused agreement, but that’s as far as I’m willing to go.
One Direction
“18”, #87
“Where Do Broken Hearts Go”, #88
“18″ was co-written by Ed Sheeran, in a style he’s pretty much abandoned (it sounds like an outtake from his first album), and it doesn’t seem as if One Direction veered far from the demo, right down to the nuances in the vocals. Someday Sheeran will issue his version as a B-side or bonus track and no one will be able to tell the difference. “Where Do Broken Hearts Go” is even worse: bombastic, lyrically confusing, just plain dumb in general. And these are the first two tracks 1D’s fans singled out from the rest of the album. Doesn’t look like they’re as smart as some people claim, does it?
Thomas Rhett—“Make Me Wanna”
#99
I like Rhett, and I still hear a lot of promise in his music, but as fresh as this sounds compared to most modern country it’s competent at best and too slick by half. It also comes from his first EP, which was released over two years ago. Has he run out of ideas already?
Ne-Yo featuring Juicy J—“She Knows”
#100
Juicy J’s crude sexual references (he opens his first verse by ejaculating on a woman’s face and works his way down from there) have their place, I’m sure, but that place isn’t on a Ne-Yo record, even one where Ne-Yo spends most of his time praising his woman’s ass. I assume Juicy J’s presence was the label’s idea, not Ne-Yo’s, but after the latter’s mistaken foray into EDM last year there’s no way to be sure. Without J this would be a good record, but it would also be one you’ve heard before. I’d like to think that there’s something out there that would get Ne-Yo back in his groove, but it’s beginning to look like Gentleman was a peak he’ll never reach again.