Fall Out Boy—“Centuries”
#22
I’d like these guys a lot more if they didn’t seem so concerned about their place in the rock and roll pantheon. Of course, the fact that they believe in a rock and roll pantheon at all, no matter how ironically they may approach it, is a major hurdle. They’re very good at what they do, but I’m not sure what they do means much (what exactly is the “Tom’s Diner” rip supposed to imply?). Besides, aren’t they a little young to be acting like cranky grandpas? “The kids are all wrong”, my ass.
Calvin Harris Featuring John Newman—“Blame”
#31
The are lots of reasons to criticize EDM, but perhaps its greatest sin is the infliction of a universe of horrible male singers on innocent ears. Harris himself doesn’t have much of a voice, but at least he’s smart enough not to emote the way John Newman does. If you need to gargle, dude, do it before you sing, not while.
Jason Aldeaan—“Two Night Town”
#76
Not great, but at least Aldean shows the good sense to keep things straightforward and resists the urge to turn this into yet another power-ballad. Slightly above average for current country, way above average for Aldean.
Nick Jonas—“Jealous”
#78
The music is a weird, era-warped, EDM jumble; it’s feels all wrong but it holds your attention. Jonas, however, continues to be one of the world’s worst singers, overwrought with little in terms of vocal equipment to compensate. There’s nothing technically wrong with his falsetto, but it sounds awful, and his normal range is almost worse. Every note sounds forced, and it destroys whatever promise the song held to begin with.
Train—“Angel In Blue Jeans”
#91
“Faux-folk based on old western movie themes?” Train asked themselves. “Hell, we can do that with our brains tied behind our backs.” So they did.
Lil Jon Featuring Tyga—“Bend Ova”
#92
Having found a new sound (at least for him), Lil Jon pumps it for everything it’s got, only this time with more words and a guest spot. It isn’t an improvement on “Turn Down For What”, but it isn’t much worse. And that yoga ball line makes me laugh every time.
Meghan Trainor—“Dear Future Husband”
#94
“I never learned to cook/but I can find a hook” Trainor sings, and the key word is “find”. All her hooks are pre-tested, pre-digested, and possibly bad for you. They stick, though, and she and her producer know how to keep them light and airy and frame them to perfection. But her message is troublesome to say the least. It isn’t just her music that seems to come from the 50s. Her announcing that she doesn’t consider herself a feminist can be put down to being 20 years old and lucky, but her embrace, at least here, of a slightly tougher version of the old “treat me like a lady and I’ll give you want you want” trope is cause for worry. It’s a pop staple, of course–even Beyonce plays a variation on it every now and then—but that doesn’t mean it shouldn’t be batted down every time it shows up.