Sometimes the Hot 100 almost literally puts me to sleep. Feel free to skip this week; I wish I could have.
Jason Aldean—“Sweet Little Somethin’”
#71
Rock by the numbers; country by default.
Jeezy Featuring Jay Z—“Seen It All”
#85
Listen up, you wet behind the ears molly slinger, grandpa and his pal here are gonna tell you what the drug dealing game was all about back in the day. Try to stay awake, all right?
Mary Lambert—“Secrets”
#92
Lambert may be more talented than Macklemore (at least that’s what everybody says), but that doesn’t mean she’s any less simple-minded. By mixing things that people—in the past, at least—kept secret out of true shame or fear with the most banal sort of confessions (who doesn’t admit to being scared of the dentist, and what does “extrapolate my feelings”, at least as a negative, even mean?), she only diminishes her message. Which may be just as well, since, just like Macklemore, she’s claiming victory in battles long over, waving her flag as if she’d actually achieved something and deserved credit for it. Unearned self-satisfaction, that’s the thing she should really be ashamed of.
Trey Songz Featuring Nicki Minaj—“Touchin, Lovin”
#95
The only decent moment comes at the very end, when Nicki Minaj finally calls Trey Songz on his inability to tell the difference between making love and fucking (there needn’t be a difference, but this is pop music, so sentimental fallacies apply). The rest of the record, though, is Songz making a joke out of his confusion and Minaj letting him get away with it, maybe even endorsing it. No wonder Songz has never made any sense: he literally doesn’t know what he’s singing about.
DJ Khaled Featuring Chris Brown, August Alsina, Future, & Jeremih—“Hold You Down”
#98
Three crooners (four if you count the auto-tuned Future) is two (or three) too many. Especially when the song is nothing more than a collection of wannabe hooks. DJ Khaled continues to shout, no matter what the rest of the track sounds like. And I continue to be confused and frustrated by the use of “hold you down” as a statement of affection as opposed to ownership.
Big & Rich—“Look At You”
#100
These guys were important once, but that was before the rest of country took their ideas and bro’d them over. Now they sound like a couple of pros fulfilling a contract and nothing more.